Ah, the sauna – a place where you sweat out your sins, your stress, and if you’re unlucky
your dignity. A bastion of wellness across Scandinavia and Europe, the sauna is practically a
religion in Finland, where people emerge from its steamy embrace refreshed, relaxed, and
culturally richer.
In the UK however, stepping into a sauna is a lot like attending a school disco: no one knows
the rules, everyone’s awkwardly dressed, and someone inevitably ends up too close to the
door wondering if it’s all a big mistake.
So let’s break down the mysteries of sauna etiquette and explore why Britain has yet to
crack the sweaty code.
Rule 1: Clothing Optional? Not in Blighty!
Scandinavians stride confidently into saunas draped in nothing but their self-assurance and
a towel. For them, nudity in a sauna is as natural as tea with biscuits. Meanwhile, in the UK
we approach the concept of public nudity with the same enthusiasm we reserve for surprise
visits from our in-laws.
Instead, you’ll find us in an odd mix of gym shorts, swimsuits, and sometimes *gasp*
trainers!
Where we’re going wrong: We’re British, which means we think human bodies are best
hidden under layers of polyester and shame.
Proper etiquette: Embrace the towel or go au naturel if the setting allows. But for the love of
eucalyptus oil, leave your trainers at the door.
Rule 2: The Talking Taboo
The sauna is supposed to be a place of quiet reflection – a temple of sweat. But British folk
can’t resist breaking the silence with awkward small talk.
“Hot in here, isn’t it?” (Yes. That’s the point.)
“Been up to much?” (No, just marinating in my own perspiration, thanks.)
“Do you think it smells like ham in here?” (Please. Stop.)
Where we’re going wrong: Brits can’t handle the silence, it reminds us of our existential dread.
Proper etiquette: Save the chit-chat for outside. If you must speak, keep it short and sauna-
appropriate: “Would you like me to pour more water on the stones?” earns your points. A
detailed account of your bunion surgery does not.
Rule 3: Respect Personal Space
A sauna bench is not a British bus stop. In Europe, there’s a sacred art to spacing oneself
out. If there’s room, sit apart. If it’s busy, fine, but no sprawling, no touching, and absolutely
no man-spreading.
The British approach? We pack in like sardines on holiday, turning the sauna into a sweaty
game of Twister. Elbows graze. Knees collide. Someone’s wet towel will, inevitably, end up in
your personal space bubble.
Where we’re going wrong: The same reason we queue for hours in an orderly line, only to
huddle together like penguins on the ride – we are socially confused
Proper etiquette: Leave space where you can and remember to bring a towel. Nobody wants
to share a bench with your bare, sweaty cheeks.
Rule 4: Don’t Be a Water Hog
Pouring water over the sauna stones (löyly, as the Finns call it) is an art form. Too little, and
it’s a dry roast. Too much, and everyone’s gasping for air like a bad karaoke performance
of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Yet in the UK, there’s always that person who either forgets to add water or empties half a
bucket onto the stones, creating a steamy apocalypse. Usually, it’s the same person who
keeps opening the door to “cool off,” destroying the carefully curated sauna climate.
Where we’re going wrong: We treat Sauna like an episode of DIY SOS. Too much
enthusiasm and not enough understanding
Proper etiquette: Ask before adding water and shut the door quickly. It’s not a pub – you don’t
need to pop in and out every 30 seconds.
Rule 5: The Aftermath
In true Nordic style, stepping out of the sauna is followed by a cold plunge into icy water or a
roll in the snow. In the UK, we stumble out, blotchy and disoriented, straight to the bar for a
prosecco.
Where we’re going wrong: The closest thing we have to snow is the crushed ice machine at
Nando’s.
Proper etiquette: Cool down gradually and enjoy the transition. Bonus points if you brave a
cold shower or dip.
The sauna is a simple yet sacred experience, blending relaxation, tradition, and just a
smidge of suffering. In the UK we’re still novices at the art. Let’s stop treating the sauna like
a sweaty waiting room for life’s next embarrassment.
With practice, patience, and fewer trainers, we too can unlock the secrets of sauna etiquette.
Until then, enjoy the awkward small talk and ham-scented ambience.
Just don’t forget your towel!